Thursday, November 3, 2011

Hello friends

I am in the process of redesigning my blog, and will be 
taking it private.

If you would like to continue reading, please 
send me your email. My email is:


Tuesday, October 25, 2011


1. the state of being excited 2. a person or thing that excites; stimulation or thrill...

So most of you know we have been hoping & praying to adopt a newborn for the past 4 years. Two months ago we where introduced to a birth mom & after a casual meeting with her she told us the best news of our lives... she wanted us to adopt her baby. We were on cloud 9, that meant our dreams of being parents from the very beginning of a sweet little babies life was about to come true in 2 short months. We were so excited, we had 2 months to get our house new born ready & pick a name for our baby & that's just what we did. We were buying diapers, wipes, bottles, a bassinet, his first Halloween out fit (oh yes It was a boy). Every one was just as excited as Michael & I because they knew of the struggles we have been through to get to this very point, it seems we got a new package from friends & family every week for baby "L".

1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. 2. Custody; care. 3. Something committed into the care of another...

Our birth mother... Hummm... OK this is my blog so I'm gonna tell it like it is... she wasn't young, she was a 27 year old ADULT that had already made a very adult decision & had aborted 2 prior babies (God bless their little souls) & went in to abort this sweet baby boy. BUT by the grace of GOD he hid this baby from her for 5 1/2 months & they told her she was to far along to take his little life (praise Jesus)!

She was an edgy/artsy girl covered in tatts (no judging I have a couple of little tatts myself) she had the big ear plates as ear rings, she was a roller girl & roller skated 3 times a week. She was a very pretty girl, she seemed to be immature, she didn't work, her mom said she stayed up all night & slept half the day, she said she went to Starbucks 3 times a day (who can afford that with no job)!?!?! But all in all the entire 2 months we knew her & went to her doctor & sono appointments she was very sweet & kind, she was also VERY dependent on her mother who was with her at EVERY single appointment (yes I said she is 27). It seemed she couldn't do anything with out her mom, but that was OK because I liked her mom, she was a nice lady whom I became very close too. Her mom & I texted each other a few times a day & talked on the phone about upcoming appointments and she seemed genuinely happy that her daughter was going to give that sweet baby to us. She said she had prayed about it & that she was so happy that God put us in there life, they both gave us there word & told us MULTIPLE times that we would never ever, NEVER EVER have to worry about her changing her mind, that she knew 100 & 10% that this was what she wanted. The mom said she truly & deeply knew that her daughter made the right decision & that she supported her because she couldn't raise him for her & that they WOULD NOT change their mind. ( LIARS )

1. a. Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.
b. The expression or manifestation of such feeling.
2. A source or an object of pleasure or satisfaction: their only child, their pride and joy.
To take great pleasure; rejoice.

October 18th 2011, the day we were to meet our son... OUR SON (I loved saying our son). Oops back up one day, so the night before the big day we took our birth mom, her mother & little sister to dinner so we could have one last time of fellowship together before the big day. We had a really nice dinner & we had put together a gift basket for her, (I felt like that was the least we could do) it had some comfy PJ's, a nice robe, some magazines, lotions, snack foods, a journal (with a very personal note that I wrote to her in it) and a very special necklace from James Avery. She was very grateful & said she loved it! (She was wearing the necklace the next morning in the delivery room). So Michael & I go home after dinner super excited & nervous. We stayed up till 1:00 packing his little diaper bag, packing our overnight bag, charging our camera's for his little photo shoot, making sure all the last minute things at the house were done & ready to bring our baby boy home. 3:15am the alarm on my phone goes off (I don't think we ever really slept because we were so excited & anxious).

1. in a state of great rapture or delight
2. showing or feeling great enthusiasm;
a person who has periods of intense joy

Its 4:00am and we are at the hospital waiting to go back in to her room in Labor & Delivery. We are both so excited & beyond happy she was allowing me in the room during the delivery. They got a late start due to the other momma's having babies (there was a storm the night before & they say that storms can bring on labor & I guess it's true) So they started the induction & broke her water at 11:00 & at 1:49pm I was standing in the room tears streaming down my face watching my son being born. She only labored for 3 hours & pushed twice?!? For not wanting babies she sure is a rock star at having them :o/

As soon as he was breathing & suctioned out they were whisking him into our own little room where we met Michael. We talked to him telling him how much we loved him & how long we had been praying for him, we thanked God for him, we had tears of joy poring down both of our faces.. even his baby nurse was crying. Then we got to hold & feed our little man he was a perfect little baby boy made in the eyes of Jesus, we were beyond happy & life was perfect! Our 4 long years of prayers had been answered. We allowed the birth moms family to come into OUR room with OUR family to see him (even tho we had papers saying we didn't have to, we gave them our word & we kept it) It was time for everyone to leave & time for the 3 of us to settle in for the night. We were never more excited to not get any sleep & do the feedings every 3 hours (**it really pisses us off when people with babies say to us you should adopt a older baby so you can skip the sleepless nights & poopie diapers?!?! WTH.. I wanna say screw you we would do anything to have sleepless nights & change poopie diapers so EFFFF off)!! Sorry back to our night with our perfect baby, he slept in my arms all night & I think I looked at his perfect little face all night, it was heaven on earth! The next morning we had friends & family coming to meet him, he was so sweet & just cuddled and slept in every ones arms. Around 1:00 the hospital case worker came in to tell us the were about to discharge the birth mom & have her sign the papers & wanted to take him for her to say her good byes & have closure. We said absolutely, she had told us 100 times she didn't want to EVER be a mom & we had no fears so off he went.. 1hour goes by...2 hours go by... then the case worker walked back in to our little happy bubble, the place where our dreams had finally come true, the place where we had wept with joy to God for blessing us with a son, the place where our prayer were answered... she didn't have to say a word, it was all over her face. Then the words that shattered the joy, shattered our dreams & shattered our prayers "she changed her mind, I'm so sorry but she is keeping him."

A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility

Today 1 week later I am numb, I have cried so much this week I don't feel like I have any tears left. Today one week later at home with out our son whom we were promised, I am very angry.

I am angry because we were lied to.

I am angry because we let our guard down & trusted these people.

I am angry because we had to come home with out a baby in our car seat.

I am angry because that sweet baby went home with a mother who just 4 months earlier tried to end his life.

I am angry because we had to explain to little miss priss that the little brother that she had just met at the hospital that very morning, the one she said prayers for every night was not coming home.

I am angry because we had to send out a mass text & e-mail to our friends & family telling them the horrific news.

I am angry because we had to have our family help us pack up all of his stuff in our house so we didn't have to see it anymore.

I am angry because we have pictures on our camera & phones that we cant bring our self's to erase.

I am angry because we let her family in OUR room even tho we didn't have to.

I am angry because he can't wear the little Halloween outfit we got him.

I am angry because we didn't get to tell him good bye.

I am angry because we where only parents for 24 hours.

I am angry because we have to start over.

I am angry because we are to scared to start over.

I am angry because we don't think we can ever trust anyone ever again.

I am angry because we have a huge hole in our hearts.

I am angry because I'm so mad I can't pray.

I am angry because it kills me to see my rock of a husband cry.

I am angry because I am so mad at God.

I am angry because I'm back at work and not on maternity leave.

I am angry because God let us go through the most awful thing imaginable.
What more God, why are you putting us through this? We already went through a failed In-Vetro, an emergency hysterectomy, all the different babies that were presented to us that never happened... And now the worst of all... seeing what we where told for 2 months was our son, our baby "L" having him in our arms holding & loving him for 24 hours only to be taken from us after we fell madly deeply in love with him.

Today 1 week later I am VERY angry!

Monday, August 8, 2011


UGH PLEASE tell me why my text doesn't show up when I create a post from my phone?!?!?!? I just posted About baby Harper & none of the writing is there?!?!?! WTC am I doing wrong? I'm getting really mad!!!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Harper is here :)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Holy Guacamole I started crossfit this morning and all I can say is.... Ouch!

This was by far the hardest workout I have ever done!!! I'm excited to see how my body will be changing from these killer workouts! Stay tuned ;)

Happy Hump Day!!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday to my husband, lover & best friend, you make me smile, you make my heart happy & you make me a better person. I love you soooo much!!! AND Happy Birthday to my niece Rylee! You are such a beautiful little girl, you have the biggest heart, you are such a sweet, caring & loving child!

I love you both more than words can say!!

I hope you both have a Happy Happy Day!!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Baby proofin' & Baby showers...

As most of you know we are adopting through CPS with the foster to adopt program. There is a long list of rules that come with fostering to adopt & one of them is all medicines & house hold cleaning supplies have to be locked up. Well with a house that was built in the early 50's there is NO closet/storage space. Every closet, cabinet, nook & cranny in our house is full to it's maximum capacity. So we had to come up with a plan, so I went to canton in search of some kind of storage help and found the perfect solution, SCHOOL LOCKERS! We sanded, cleaned & painted them & they turned out perfect.

My "SIL" Amy & my best friend Katie threw me a "stock the nursery" shower a few weekends ago. I am still very humbled & grateful for such amazing support from our family & friends.

This nursery/baby defiantly got showered/stocked.

We got so much wonderful baby stuff that I'm racking my brain for another storage idea ;o)

These where the preggo's of the group (excluding me of course)

some one got me a baby ;)

Psalms 126:3 The Lord has done great things for us and our hearts are filled with joy.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Dallas Zoo

A few weeks ago it was Rylee (our niece's) spring break. So our Arkansas crew (Amy, Rylee & Landry) loaded up and came down to Texas to spend time with us on there break. One of the days we went to the Dallas Zoo. It was so fun we caught the train in Garland and it took it all the way to the front gates of the zoo. We spent most of the day at the zoo then we hopped back on the train & it took us right back to our car, it was perfect day!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The New Journey begins...

Well we have embarked on a new journey in our adoption process & I thought I would share it with you. As you all (or most of you) know we have been trying to adopt for three years now.

We were hoping to adopt the "private" route. If your not familiar with private adoptions it is an adoption that bypass the use of agencies. Usually you hear of a birth mom that wants to put her baby up for adoption & your profile is presented to her. If she picks you as the family a lawyer will handle all the legal documents, negotiate payments to the birthmother, and represent you at the adoption court hearing. This has been a long 3 years with a roller coaster of emotions many different "prospects" but none that ever worked.

We contacted many different agencies but never really felt like we where a good fit. Until we found the latest agency that we LOVED but after 2 phone interviews and a lot of getting our hopes up we decided that 40,000 is not an option for at this time. Unless we when the lotto, but with our luck I know that will never happen!

So we have decided we are finally going to take down that "wall" we put up about CPS foster to adopt. The thought of having a precious baby placed in our home only to be taken away in a few weeks, months or sometimes even a year absolutely devastated us. But after a lot of praying and talking with other people that had adopted through fostering I had that "Ahaaa" moment!

Your own children are not promised to you forever. You never know when God will decided to call them home. So the children that are placed in CPS care need a home more than we will ever know. What a blessing to think you may have been the safe place that protected that child from whatever abuse it was removed from and just possibly saved it's life. If that baby's parents get their life back on track then then that was Gods will... praise Jesus. If not then we will be double blessed; blessed from helping a child in need & blessed because our prayers will be answered of finally becoming parents.

I often wonder will you be a newborn?

Will you be a little toddler?

Will you be a brother & sister pair?

or will you be twins?

The one thing I do know with every ounce of my being is that you are perfect! You are a child made in the eyes of Jesus & picked out just for us. God knew before you where even conceived that you belonged with us & that we are meant to be your Mommy & Daddy. We are meant to love, protect, mentor and guide you to be all that he has planed for you. I cant wait to meet you & I know you are coming soon I can feel it! Thank you Jesus for protecting "our little one" until you bring them home to us!

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Happy Birthday!!!

IzzyBella & Jenny we wish you both a very Happy Birthday!!

Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday IzzyBella & Jenny... Happy Birthday to YALL :o)

IzzyBella (niece) 1 yr today

Jenny (cousin) twenty something today...

I know.. but you never tell a women's age ;o)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Cans for Cody

This week I got a call from my sweet nephew this is how the call went...

Cody: Aunt Sissy this is Cody, can you save all of your cans for me... I need money & my Dad is letting me crush cans so I can turn them in for money.

Me: Sure I'll save cans, what are you trying to make money for?

Cody: I need money for something very special...

Me: what is it????

Cody: I need money so I can go on the Nickelodeon Cruise this summer..

This conversation went down on Sunday & he called me again last night (Tuesday) to see if I had cans ready for him. He is so excited!! But I need help I don't have soda cans... only the occasional Fresca.... So I'm asking if you live near me in the Rockwall area & drink Cokes, DP, Sprite, Beer, Monsters, V8.... Please save your cans for my sweet Cody. I will come pick up any sacks full, bags full, boxes full.. whatever you can do for him.
***side note: My brother & sis in law are not making him pay his way... they just want him to learn the importance about saving money for special things.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


This is off a blog I read... Her house burned down 4 days before Christmas.
This is a reminder about how even in the ashes God's word never fails,
never forsakes & always Heals.
If your going through a hard time or are lost I ask you to please let God's word,
His PROMISE heal & comfort you.

You are Mine
Sunday, January 9, 2011 Posted in confessions

**edited to add—this is one of the best sermons I’ve ever heard on baptism, from my pastor Paul Bushur.

Two months ago, Susan and I and the girls were making necklaces for my ’12 Days’ series. I knew right away what I wanted mine to say. I called my friend Kim, who had recently shown me pictures from Salisbury Cathedral in England. On their baptismal font were the words that I wanted on my necklace. Kim reminded me.

“I have called you by your name and you are mine.”

What a promise we have in our baptism. Christ calls us by our name. He marks us as one of His own. He seals us, protects us, hems us in, preserves us.
He opens heaven to us and promises to keep us safe in Him.
He gifts us with more than we can comprehend; life, forgiveness, heaven and the Holy Spirit and divine protection against the fires that threaten our very souls.
I wore that necklace everyday until 3 days before the fire. It got caught on something and came off, leaving an empty shell.I laid it on my nightstand and planned to re-attach it soon. It now lies in the ash heap——but the promise it gives does not.Yesterday, I read Susan’s blog and saw this post. I sat dumbfounded. She was thinking about my necklace too and looked up the context of where the verses came from.

Isaiah 43
Fear not, for I have redeemed you, O Isreal; I have called you by name, you are mine.When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Isreal, your are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.

It may look hopeless today.What we have worked for lies in ruinsbut He is there.What we have loved is destroyedbut He will never leave us.We may see no hope for tomorrowbut He holds tomorrow in His hand.He alone repairs our broken.He has given His promise and its’ everlasting melody calms our fears.

” I have called you by your name. You are mine.” ****WOW, talk about getting the chills!